Brag Sheets and Silver Platters

I’m getting to that age now, that I need to do paperwork by myself. Banking, visa applications, immigration forms, self-certification forms for missing class (no more Dear Madam, Please excuse my daughter letters…) and now the application types and the dreaded Curriculum Vita. I must say I don’t particularly enjoy the form-filling that seems to govern adulthood (or pseudo-adult in my case)- sign this, fill that, tick that box, cross that out… It seems redundant and obsolete much like wires.

So, as I mentioned last month the people at the careers centre gave us “charmingly unworldly” anthropology lot a harsh reality check in the form of the need for acquiring summer skills and employment- things which have been distant much like the form filling, but uncomfortably close as of late. Of course, I’ve never been employed in the real sense other than several volunteering stints here and there which do not require applications and resumes and CV’s and whatnot. So inquiring about a internship for the summer from a group of accomplished, presumably serious, erudite social science-y academics hasn’t been easy and I’ve been postponing it. Then you get to the point when you know you can’t postpone any longer and that you need to allow your poor self to be scrutinized and screened. Let me tell you, it is frightening.

Finding something that complements my academic interests in Colombo was difficult, but I suppose that comes with the territory in an anti-discipline like Social Anthropology. The concept of an internship doesn’t quite exist as people look at you with a bewildered eye- unless of course you are yet another CIMA/MBA clone with a predictable future at a bank. I suppose, no one said academia would be easy… Then I find a research type place which seems perfect in every sense of the word; so ideal that I could see myself doing that kind of job for the rest of my life. It seemed almost too good to be true. I dissected the website thoroughly and it only confirmed this perfect match scenario except for how intimidating it would be.

In school, reports, rankings, parent-teacher conferences give you a very good idea of where you stand academically in relation to your peers and the expectations of the institution you’re a part of. There is enough diversity among fellow-students for you to gauge your position quite well and then decide if you need to work more, less or no more/less than you already are. In university things change because you are with such a large number of people who are more or less equally competent and matched. It makes it harder to tell if you’re doing well but degree classifications and grade bandings help on that front albeit less consistent than in school we’re you’re constantly made aware. When time comes to move on either to further study or employment, you know you will be starting right at the very bottom like the dregs of tea leaves at the bottom of a mug. There is no concern for you as an individual- it becomes about getting a job done competently by measures governed by others older and more experienced. This of course is the opening of the flood gates of insecurity because it almost doesn’t matter how well you were doing before you got there. I’ve compiled a brag sheet to send in and somehow it seems like it was from another time in a distant past. A bit like a faded photograph from decades ago, simply because of that lack of awareness of where you stand right now. That feeling of a secret confidence which seemed to belong to another person entirely.

So I’ve drafted a letter to this perfect place of mine, enquiring about the availability of a summer research internship and it’s wrecking me because I’m aware that I can be turned down. Or face a worse scenario if I cannot cope with what I’m getting myself into. Sash who is seeking a career change after nearly two years at an admin job said she misses the days when everything was handed to us on a silver platter. She says she’ll settle for a platter and it doesn’t even have to be silver. What can I do but agree? I miss those days too- they were more secure and less prone to inducing anxiety.

On a lighter note, the library has been giving out candy:

Apologies for the bad picture quality- but the wording on the sweet says “LIBRARY SUCKS” punny eh?